This week I got a call that I wasn’t prepared for. Cancer called, and my grandfather picked up. I think that the statistic is 1 in 3 people will have cancer at some point in their life, or something like that. But most of the time, I’m not thinking about between me and two other people, one of us will have it. Definitely wouldn’t think that my grandfather would have it. But he had gotten it, some way or another. When I got the call, it was strange. I had gotten phone calls before with terrible news on the other end, deaths of family members or pets or calling in the family to the hospital to say goodbye’s, but this time was different. There wasn’t the initial shock and rush of emotion, that usually appeared and presented with tears. There wasn’t a question of why, or anger, or not understanding or comprehending the situation. There was just a feeling of accepting. No harsh feelings, or really even sadness.
All the other times in my life that I had lost something, or gotten bad news, I wasn’t walking with God. But now, since I’ve started to walk with Him, and put my trust in Him daily there’s a new outlook. And it had developed before I even knew. But as soon as I got the call from my mother telling me about the cancer, I could sense the change. I could tell that I was different. I could tell that everything wasn’t about me anymore. And I think that surprised me. Because it wasn’t anything that I had changed, but it was something that God had changed for me. Allowing me to put Him first, no matter what. So when I got the call, I was just able to realize that it was God’s plan and I wasn’t in any place to understand or even question His plan. And I think that, that in itself gave me comfort, just to know that God had changed me. Maybe He had prepared me all along to get that news, and that was in His plan. Either way, I’m so thankful to be walking with God and to be at a place where I can appreciate and accept His plan, no matter what, no matter how hard it may be.
All of that isn’t to say that I won’t question, or that I won’t understand, but I do want to make a conscious effort in trying to put God at the wheel. Putting it on autopilot and letting God drive, letting Him take me where He wants me. Of course that’ll be hard, but considering the way I felt in His arms when I got that call, I can’t imagine not trusting Him with anything. There’s so much trust when He’s in control, which He always is. And I hope that I can continue to feel that way and keep my trust in Him, because He knows what He is doing. He’s got me.
I think sometimes when it starts to storm on the plane, we want to grab the wheel and drive ourselves out of the stormy weather and into the blue skies, but there’s a reason that we’re going through that storm. So if we just let God be our autopilot, He’ll get us through it. I am a firm believer in that. That’s what I’ll do, give it all to Him, because I can’t drive through any storm by myself.